What Islam Says About Dating

The most common questions I get from young people are, == Do Muslims date? == and, == If they don't date, how do they decide whose the right person for them to marry? ==

== Dating == as it is currently practiced in much of the world does not exist among Muslims - where a young man and woman (or boy/girl) are in a one-on-one intimate relationship, spending time together alone, "getting to know each other" in a very deep way before deciding whether that's the person they want to marry. Rather, in Islaam pre-marital relationships of any kind between members of the opposite sex are forbidden.

The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life - with prayer, careful investigation, and family involvement.

The following steps should be adopted:

Make du'a (supplication) to Allah; ask Him to help you find the right person.

The family should enquire, discuss, and suggest candidates. They should consult with each other, so as to narrow down potential prospects. Usually the father or mother should approach the other family to suggest a meeting.

Couple should meet in chaperoned, group environment. 'Umar related that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative (mahram)." (Bukhari and Muslim). The Prophet (peace be upon him) also reportedly said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan (Shaytan) is the third among them." (Tirmidhi).

When young people are getting to know each other, being alone together is a temptation toward wrongdoing. At all times, Muslims should follow the commands of the Qur'an (24:30-31) to, {lower their gaze and guard their modesty....} Islaam recognizes that we are human and are given to human weakness, that is why this rule provides safety-measures for our own sake.

Family should investigate candidate further - speaking with friends, family, Islamic leaders, co-workers, etc., to learn more about his or her character before making the final decision.

Couple should both pray Salaat-al-Istikhaarah (The Prayer For Guidance), and thus seek Allah's help in making the decision.

An agreement should be made to either pursue marriage or part ways. Islaam has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women - they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don't want to be in.

This type of focused courtship helps ensure the strength of the marriage, by drawing upon family elders' wisdom and guidance in this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.

That is why these marriages often prove successful.

Top 10 Cougar Dating Myths Debunked

"I think of a cougar as a confident, independent woman who happens to prefer younger men."

A proud cougar reveals the top 10 myths and truths about older women dating younger men.
I'm a card-carrying cougar. I have been a consistent member of the "Cougar Club" since my husband passed away. For the past 4 ½ years, I've been dating a man 15 years my junior. In addition to my personal experience, I host an Internet talk show called LoveEncore. It's about dating, sex and relationships the second time around. I've interviewed guests and experts about the subject of older women dating younger men, and noticed that these episodes received more views than any other by a landslide. I've received a plethora of questions and comments from all parts of the world on this hot topic. I'd like to de-bunk cougar myths and give the facts as to what dating a younger man is really like.

The "Urban Dictionary" states: "Cougars are gaining in popularity—particularly the true hotties—as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together." I think of a cougar as a confident, independent, young-spirited woman who happens to prefer the company of younger men.

Myth #6: A cougar is going to get old and become unattractive to the younger man.

Fact: Cougars keep physically fit and tend to look much younger than their age. Any woman will age over time—probably not as gracefully as a cougar. She has the financial ability, motivation, and time to eat healthy and exercise. If a man is in a relationship with an older woman, he's usually there because of her personality as much as her looks.

Myth #7: An older woman will miss out on her "golden years" while he's establishing his career. She'll want to travel and socialize which won't work with his schedule.

Fact: The younger man has less baggage like an ex-wife and children. The older woman is independent and will find ways to keep herself entertained. She has her children and career to keep her busy.

Myth #8: A younger man finds women his age to be sexier. They have less wrinkles and weight from pregnancies.

Fact: Men find cougars sexy regardless of their imperfections. They describe the older woman as more adventurous and experienced in bed. The energy of a cougar is very alluring to the younger man. Sex is usually an area where this couple excels.

Myth #9: Kids will never accept the younger man dating their mother. Parents will resent the older woman for thwarting their son from having children.

Fact: Eventually, children and parents of the couple will see the loving relationship, and respect the decision that the couple has made to be together. They will recognize that the couple deserves to be happy.

Myth #10: A relationship with a cougar isn't viable and won't last over time.

Fact: This has been proven wrong countless times. If the couple stays together for many years with the obstacles and stigma that society places on them, they are usually in a very strong deeply connected relationship. These relationships are based truly on love and not on how many birthday candles they blow out.

Myth #1: A cougar is the hunter who preys on the innocent younger man.

Fact: Who hunts whom? Some guys are naturally drawn to older women like any other physical "type," such as preferring blondes to brunettes. I've discovered that somewhere along the way those attracted to cougars have had a prior positive experience with one. A cougar exudes self-confidence, which makes her a highly desirable conquest to a younger man. Often it's the younger man who approaches the older woman in hopes of a purely sexual no-strings-attached relationship. Contrary to popular belief, the older woman isn't the predator—in fact, it's the quite opposite.

Myth #2: A relationship between an older woman and younger man isn't viable, he'll cheat on her with someone his age. Look at Ashton and Demi!

Fact: Wrong! Ashton and Demi's problems were less about the age difference and more about her insecurity and his infidelity. Demi Moore may have set the stage for the "Cougar Era", but her self-esteem issues were not consistent with those of the typical cougar. The older woman who attracts a younger man is young-spirited. She gets bored with older men who many times lose their "joie de vivre" as they age. She's independent and spontaneous which fits well with an energetic younger guy. Cougars like their freedom and younger men are more apt to be comfortable in a less traditional relationship. Ashton was unfaithful because he's a cheater.

Myth #3: A younger man won't be able to maintain the interest of an older woman. They have nothing in common—for example they like different music. He's probably not able to carry on a conversation with her.

Fact: When I first started dating my boyfriend, I hated his taste in music. Now I only listen to indie-rock. He's developed a taste for fine wine, since it's one of my passions. Being open-minded about different tastes and interests is good for any relationship. Age has nothing to do with IQ score. Cougars have been known to stay up late at night chatting with their younger men about the meaning of life.

Myth #4: The younger man will ultimately want children, and will dump the older woman who already has a brood.

Fact: This is an issue for any couple when one wants a child and the other doesn't. Having children isn't a priority for every man, and if he loves the woman he may choose her over his need to procreate. He may be in a relationship with an older woman because women his age are listening to the ticking of their biological clocks. In fact, many younger men gravitate to older women who won't pressure them to get married and have children.

Myth #5: A cougar won't fit into younger man's social circle or vice versa.

Fact: The couple may experience some negativity especially in the initial stages of the relationship. I've personally been subject to a few snide comments such as: "Is that your son?" or "Dude, does she get a senior citizen rate at the movies?" Like any atypical relationship, there will be people who support the couple's choices and those who put it down. The couple should be prepared to deal with everything from admiration to hostility from friends, acquaintances, and family. 

10 Differences Dating Widows Vs Divorcees

Is dating a widow the same as dating a divorcee? Here are 10 differences between the two.

Six months after my husband died, I decided to venture out into the single’s world. I sauntered into a swanky downtown Chicago restaurant with a divorced female friend. She left me perched on a bar stool to go to the restroom. I stared at the glassware on the shelves behind the bar and a guy suddenly appeared, “So when did you get divorced?

I replied, “I didn’t get divorced.”

He said, “Well where’s your husband?”

Never one to pass up a good line, I said, “Six feet under.”


That resulted in a jaw dropping, confused, uncomfortable, pitiful facial expression, as he stammered, “I’m so sorry.”


I blurted out, “But I didn’t kill him!”


This opened the door to a litany of questions: “Do you mind if I ask what happened? Do you have kids? Was that very difficult for you?”


“I’d rather not talk about it,” I mumbled.
The next question was a shocker, “Do you mind if I ask you how long has it been since you’ve had sex?”


My response without missing a beat, “Twenty-four hours.”

That interchange was my initiation into the “Planet Single Bar Hopping Phase.” I later entered the “Planet Single Dating Phase.” Here are 10 tips to understanding the differences in dating widows vs divorcees:

1) Divorcees didn’t have a happy marriage otherwise they’d still be married. Widows had a happy marriage – or at least they only remember the happier times.


2) Divorcees have spouses who are regularly involved in their children’s lives. The spouse helps with decisions about the kids; attends their sporting events, theater performances, and weddings. Widows don’t have co-parents to rely on, but also don’t have listen to their opinions on child rearing.


3) Divorcees get a break from parenting if they have shared custody. Widows have a full time parenting gig.

4) Divorcees may get some ongoing financial support for the children and/or alimony payments. 
Widows may have inherited life insurance, but it’s typically a one-time payment.

5) Divorcees may have hostility towards the ex and perhaps the entire female/male population. Widows generally have a favorable opinion about the opposite sex.

6) Divorcees may feel relieved to be single again and eager to jump back into dating and sex. Widows may feel abandoned by the death of their spouse, and reluctant to try new relationships. They may feel guilty about being disloyal to the deceased if they date a new person. 


7) Divorcees have to deal with an ex who may be a pain in the butt. Widows don’t come with the ex factor baggage. 


8) Divorcees may compare the new person with the ex. The new partner may feel the need to prove that he/she is different than the ex. Widows will talk about their deceased spouse, and this can be annoying.

9) Divorcees likely didn’t have the best sex life towards the end of the marriage. They may be excited to be with someone who enjoys sex and wants to be intimate again. Widows in happy marriages may have had a decent sex life and want to have it again.

10) Divorcees frequently have had family & friends who sided with one spouse over the other. Widows’ family & friends may be happy to include the new person into their lives or it may be hard for that guy/girl to walk in the shadow of the deceased.
Can widows be happy dating divorcees and vice versa? Absolutely, knowing the history of your partner’s past is key to a successful future relationship. Watch this fun video about widows and divorcees

8 essential online dating tips

Feeling lonely but don't have much time to go out on a date? Worry not, online dating can be your saviour. But before diving head on into the world of online dating, remember it comes with its own set of risks and being on your guard is a priority.

Here are eight essential online dating tips that will help you wade through the muddy waters and find your perfect mate.

While taking the plunge into the world of online dating, it's best to go for paid service, rather than free ones. This is simply because the people who sign up there are seriously looking for matches. Rather than the free dating sites, where teenage kids and married people just log in for some fun.

Every online dating service asks for an email ID, but it is best if you create a new email account for this. The reason behind this is that you will not be bombarded by mails and requests from the subscribers expressing their interest on your official email ID or an account that you use for communicating with friends and families. Moreover, your primary ID will be shielded from spam mails.

Honesty always pays. And it's no different in online dating, remember the key to any relationship is trust. So, always give correct details about your height, weight, complexion, interests, choices, likes and dislikes. Most importantly, upload a recent picture, which is the first thing people will notice when they check out your profile. If you decide to meet the person and don't resemble your picture, it will be a huge turnoff and your prospective partner won't know whether to trust you about other stuff or not.

This is a predicament for all online daters - whether the guy/girl you are interested in is married or not. Married men and women are known to have signed up for online dating services just to check what they missed out on by tying the knot.

However, it is easy to determine whether the other person is married or not. It is often seen that married online daters log in very infrequently; sometimes they come online after weeks, sometimes they chat the whole night. They usually refrain from giving their phone numbers, since there is always the chance that their spouse may pick up your call inadvertently.

It is a given that people have to put up their pictures on dating websites and almost everyone puts up his/her best pic online. However, more important is to upload a picture that shows what you like. A photo of you hiking or at the beach will show that you are actually into these things, which adds credence to the interests you have mentioned in the profile.

In the world of online dating, chats are the norm and so are messages expressing your interest in someone. So make sure you check your spellings before dropping that message in the other person's inbox, though it can be a pain while chatting online. Nevertheless, you can be careful about making sure that you know the difference between "its" and "it's" while chatting, because chances are that your love interest would have learned it in school.

Updating the profile frequently is a smart practice since it raises your searchability. When someone searches for people with your description and interests, then it becomes important that your profile comes on top. If you do not update your profile periodically, then your profile will reach the bottom of the pile and stagnate, and you may just miss the chance of meeting your soul mate.

You don't have to do much, just upload a recent pic or include a new band you heard of in the likes/interests section. Even this much will do.

The world of online dating is full of predators and perverts and you will always have to be on your guard while agreeing to meet someone. It's advisable to chat with someone for a few weeks before you go out to meet him/her. Even while giving your phone number, think if you ever received any bad vibes from him/her. If you ever think something is amiss, give the person a miss. Always remember, it is better to be safe than sorry and there are plenty of fish in the sea!